well shit

Nov. 15th, 2011 04:04 pm
cornhobble: (Xena will fuck your shit up)
Damn, I've totally been ignoring lj and y'all. I feel so baaaaaad for posting even though I'm not up with my flist, omg. /guilttrip

So I'm beginning to think I'm a trans guy, or perhaps a touch genderqueer. I don't really know what to do with this revelation, tbh. I thought I'd finally settled into my identity as a masculine-of-center queer woman; I was happy, I was connecting with other queer ladies, LIFE IS GOOD.

But I just... okay. So then I bought a binder the other day. It was too big, I have a DD chest, so the results were less than satisfactory. And I was devastated. DEVASTATED. I did not realize how much I cared; when I bought the binder I told myself I just wanted to achieve a flat look, plenty of butches* bind, it didn't mean anything. But it did.

When I think of myself as a guy, everything makes so much sense. It clicks. Certain things still make me wonder, and I reserve the right to change my mind, but I'm definitely questioning my gender rn.

It's not just the binder; it's how I subconsciously tried to pass as a guy, even when I thought I was just dressing dykey; it's how excited and happy I get when the guy at Burger King call's me "sir"; it's a million little things that make me think, HOLY SHIT I AM MIGHT BE A DUDE.

It's not like I'm sure, though. I might eventually realize I am 100% lady and this was just a momentary confusion.

I'm just... I'm really scared, flist. Trans* people have it bad. I don't think I could ever pass without hormones and surgery. The thought of having to tell my parents to call me another name/pronoun makes me want to hide forever. I don't even think I could tell people I know. And what if I realize later on that I was wrong?

Well fuck.

*I didn't/don't really identify as butch, but it's close enough.
cornhobble: (.Dean - Journal)
GUYS. GUYS. I am seriously freaking out right now. D:

So I've got a 15 year old sister. I'll call her A. A has a guy friend (I'll call him Tiny Tim. Inside joke.) who likes her, and he's not subtle about it. We used to think this was funny, and we'd all tease A about it, joking how they were in ~loooooooove.

BUT THEN. I was with A and her friends the other day (as the appointed chauffeur, yay) and I saw A and Tiny Tim hugging. Like full-body, grab-you-from-behind hugs.

WAT. WAT IS THIS SHIT. I don't like Tiny Tim. He's a super religious, homophobic, sexist little shit who would sleep with a girl and then call her a slut (not that he's ever slept with anyone, lol). A likes him, tho, because when he's not talking about anything of importance he seems like a sweet guy. (I guess. >:[ )

Now I'm thinking - what if she has sex with him? I'm not crazy about this idea (SHE'S JUST A BABY OMG /biased), but what bothers me more is -- she's never had a sex education. She doesn't have access to condoms, as as far as I know she wouldn't even know what to do with one if she did.

I talked with my mom about this, and she says she's been watching then closely. This isn't as implausible as it sounds, because my sister's homeschooled. But still, SHIT HAPPENS. If teenagers want to have sex they probably will.

In my mom's mind, sex education + access to contraceptives = encouraging teenage shenanigans. In my mind, HOLY SHIT WHAT IF SHE GETS PREGNANT. But I feel like giving my sister The Talk might be stepping out of bounds, a bit.

idk. What should I do, you guys? Should I let my mom do her thing? Or should I send my little sister links to sex education websites and try to talk to her? (I doubt she'd appreciate that.)
cornhobble: (.Dumbledore - Fabulous!)

Do any of you know of good mp3 players with radio? I'm thinking of getting one for my mom on Christmas. :D She uses this old discman from the stone age but it only does radio and cassette tapes, no mp3s. (Seriously. STONE AGE.)

I was thinking about getting a Zune because it has radio and I've heard good things about the newer version. Also the Zune screen is pretty big and my mom is farsighted but refuses to get glasses. (♥) I don't want to get an ipod Nano because it's too small and I think she wouldn't know how to use it, haha. She has trouble turning on her computer, okay. I'm planning to pre-load music onto it because god knows she wouldn't be able to do it herself. (lol mom ilu)

So, question is: do you know of any good mp3 players with radio that are easy to use? Preferably under 150$, but I can probably go over if I convince my sisters to pitch in, lol.

EDIT: Shit, I just realized that most of the radio she listens to is AM, not FM. Do they even make mp3 players with AM? Maybe I should get her a portable radio instead...


cornhobble: (Default)

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