FUCKING FRIENDSHIP, HOW DOES IT WORK?

[cornhobble]

When you have friends that turn out to be somewhat sexist/homophobic/ist, what do you do?

There's this one guy I'm rather close with, but he's turned to be completely fail-y when it comes to women. Dude is totally sexist.

I've chosen to continue being friends with him in spite of it. I don't necessarily feel bad about this decision, because I don't think I should be obligated to be the perfect feminist who only surrounds herself with fellow perfect people (lol, that's not even possible).

But at the same time, it's like - can this friendship even last? I never let his sexism pass; if he says something misogynistic, I'll call him out on it. I can't help but think at some point he'll just get tired of arguing and cut off contact. I'm not going to stop being the Annoying Bitchy Feminist for anyone, but... I'd actually miss talking to him. :/

And knowing his ~tendencies... I judge him, ngl. That's probably not conductive to much of anything.

Sigh. idk, livejournal, I'm feeling a little melancholy and lonely today.

Comments

[mesmorizee.livejournal.com]

I have... No advice. XP

A few years ago I had this horrible horrible summerjob which I loathed with the fire of a thousand suns. And I spent those four weeks hanging out with a guy who turned out to be the biggest homophobe. And I didn't say a thing, which I feel horribly ashamed about. But I am a shy and cowardly person. Also I couldn't very well tell him to go and fuck himself because then I would have a horrible summer job AND be all alone in a world of homphobes. So instead I would just zone out when he talked and slash the hell out of two other guys also working there... I DON'T THINK THAT WAS A MUCH BETTER THING TO DO BUT FUCK IT! IT WAS MY COPING MECHANISM!

Also ever since then I dislike getting to know people IRL because what if they turn out to be horrible racists/homophobes/sexist/crazy people?!

Um... Anyway... I know I had a point here somewhere... Uh... Oh yes! At least you're telling him off when he's being an ass. Maybe he'll actually learn something instead of cutting off contact with you? I don't know. I am not being the least helpful. But at least you got to listen to my tale of shame and cowardice and you can feel better than me at least? XD

[cornhobble.livejournal.com]

lol! YES, YOU WERE VERY HELPFUL. :DD Aw, I wouldn't feel ~bad about not telling him off. Sometimes it's better to pick your battles, y/y?

[fishpatrol]

As soon as I find out that someone is sexist/homophobic/etc, my opinion of them goes way down. I think it's good that you're calling him out on his sexism -- maybe he'll learn something.

I can't help but think at some point he'll just get tired of arguing and cut off contact. I'm not going to stop being the Annoying Bitchy Feminist for anyone, but... I'd actually miss talking to him. :/

If he values you as a friend, then I think he would change his behaviour towards you (i.e. stop making sexist comments when you're around) even if he doesn't end up changing his attitude/beliefs.

[cornhobble.livejournal.com]

Same here. RESPECT FOR THEM: GONE FOREVER. :|

Yeah, that's probably the best way to go. :)

[openmydoors.livejournal.com]

I have a friend/co-worker who is the same way, but homophobic, not sexist. He's actually said in the past that he would RATHER DIE THAN BE GAY. It offended me so much, I didn't talk to him for a month. But he's a stupid kid, and stubborn guy who refuses to be turned around on the subject. So I pretty much told myself, he's allowed his opinions. If it ever interferes with me and/or people and things and issues I care about, I will cut him down several pegs, SO HARD. But it hasn't come to that, so we remain friends.

My point is: it's really hard to change someone. You can try, and hey, it might work. But if it becomes a problem and it bothers you a lot and it doesn't change, then it becomes an issue of your beliefs vs his friendship. And it's really hard to choose, when you're good friends, but I don't think your beliefs should ever suffer because of a friend who can't respect them.

IDEK WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT. ._.

[cornhobble.livejournal.com]

NO YOU ARE TALKING PURE WISDOM, BB~

no seriously, you're making so much sense rn. It definitely feels like it's a battle of my beliefs vs his friendship at this point, which is tiring and sucks on so many levels. I'm just going to go ahead and tell him we should keep our opinions to ourselves when it comes to ~certain issues.