:|

Feb. 11th, 2011 05:23 pm
cornhobble: (.Puck - Loser)
You know what sucks? EVERYTHING.

Okay, that might be an exaggeration, but I'm feeling super mopey today. Issue on my mind: With my little sister, it feels like I'm always defending her but I can never depend on her to do the same for me. It's depressing, that's what it is.

Even more, sometimes she'll agree with me on the issue on hand but STILL sides with the ~opposition. Ultimate betrayal. :[

lala )

tldr; my sister told me to shut up and said I was being too ~angry and irrational and did that thing people do when they look at you like you're a stupid fuck unworthy of their attention. And I KNOW she agrees with me on this specific issue, but apparently backing me up would conflict with her constant need to belittle and undercut everything I say.

Whatever.
cornhobble: (.Puck - Loser)
So, ~ladies, do you ever notice guys acting overly condescending to you but not towards other guys?

I've noticed it a lot lately. I've been reluctant to say anything because I thought it was my shitty self-esteem imagining things or me being oversensitive, but I'm noticing a definite trend here. :|

To the story: we did peer reviews in my writing class. My essay was shit and too short, so I wasn't happy with it. I was in a group with two guys and we traded papers. Then came concrit. Like I said, my essay was too short and shitty, but one of the guys was just... idk, there was a definite condescending vibe in the room. And his essay definitely wasn't any better than mine.

SIGH. I guess it could be run-of-the-mill everyday smugness, but when I'm dealing with smug women the dynamic is never quite the same. :/ I think maybe it's a combination of the two -- doesn't have to be either or, amirite?

I hate being in situations where I'm the only girl. I never felt this way before! But now even when the guys are being nice enough I tend to feel uncomfortable. There's this feeling of inadequacy that I get less around women, but I'm not sure if that's the guys or me. I could be projecting.

idk, flist. I DO NOT KNOW. It's also 3 in the morning so I shouldn't be posting rn, lol.
cornhobble: (.Lafayette - Bitch Plz)
My dad told me that most guys didn't find women with short hair attractive.

I was like, 'omg, thank you! When I make decisions concerning my physical appearance, my main concern is getting the approval of (straight) dudes, how did you know? BRB, GETTING EXTENSIONS.'

wtf people, wtf
cornhobble: (Default)
UGH I AM SUCH A FUCKING ASSHOLE.

I was supposed to help someone out with a presentation, but I forgot about it and instead of, you know, behaving like a reasonable adult and contacting the person in question I skipped the event. Later I just told him that my computer was messed up and I'd lost info. EVEN MY LIES ARE SHIT :(

He said it was fine and that I next time I should just give him a heads up. Then he said that other people had signed up, too, but they were pretty flaky and he hadn't expected then to actually show. He hadn't been worried about it because he'd figured that I would come through, because I've always been a reliable person.*

...

SUCH. A. MOTHERFUCKING. ASSHOLE. ._. THE GUILT, IT BURNS.

*I don't know why people think this, I am so far away from reliable it's depressing. Apparently I give a good first impression? Why do I suck so much. :(
cornhobble: (:O!)
I love it when you go to the library and the librarians are all excited by your book choice, ahahaha. We've got a new librarian at the library nearby -- at least, I've never seen her before -- and she was apparently thrilled by my copy of Slaughterhouse Five. She talked a bit and was kind of weird and quirky, but not in a bad way. I was totally charmed, ngl. :]

Onto the actual book -- I've never read Vonnegut before, but I really like his style. It's interesting and kind of funny. I plan on reading the next few chapters later on today~~

I just took a nap (MMMMM, NAP) and am unreasonably cheerful today, lol. It was probably the good book + nap combination, I haven't done that in a while. Now I'm off to go eat chocolate and watch the episode of SPN I have Tivo'd (Sex and Violence, yeaaaaah).
cornhobble: (.Lafayette - Bitch Plz)
I just realized: I GIVE SHIT APOLOGIES.

Like, you know those shitty apologies people give sometimes that aren't really apologies? There are many variations, I know. The one I'm thinking about is similar to the 'OH I'M SORRY YOU'RE OFFENDED' one -- like, when the person isn't actually sorry but doesn't want you to be mad at them anymore. I've dubbed it the 'I'm-sorry-but-it-was-still-your-fault' apology.

I know someone who is the master of such apologies. After a fight he'll come up to you and say something like, 'I'M SORRY I DID/SAID [ACTION/WORD HERE]! *HUGS* BUUUUUUUUUUUT ---' And then he proceeds to list all the things YOU did wrong. It's like, the non-apology. Masterful.

So, back to the point. The other day I got into an ~argument and then apologized. I was thinking about my apology today, and... I'm realizing it was totally the shittiest non-apology of all time. D: And so I started thinking about OTHER times I've apologized to people, and I think I make shitty non-apologies a lot*. Not all the time, but enough to be noticeable.

Whoa, awkward. Ha ha aha... NOW I FEEL LIKE A DOUCHE. >:( At least I'm self-aware? SOMEWHAT??

See, now I have a new resolution. That is, DON'T MAKE DICK NON-APOLOGIES, SELF. It's embarrassing, and also grade-A douchebag behavior.

*This makes it sound like I'm running around pissing off people left and right, and that's not true. Mostly.

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