well shit

Nov. 15th, 2011 04:04 pm
cornhobble: (Xena will fuck your shit up)
Damn, I've totally been ignoring lj and y'all. I feel so baaaaaad for posting even though I'm not up with my flist, omg. /guilttrip

So I'm beginning to think I'm a trans guy, or perhaps a touch genderqueer. I don't really know what to do with this revelation, tbh. I thought I'd finally settled into my identity as a masculine-of-center queer woman; I was happy, I was connecting with other queer ladies, LIFE IS GOOD.

But I just... okay. So then I bought a binder the other day. It was too big, I have a DD chest, so the results were less than satisfactory. And I was devastated. DEVASTATED. I did not realize how much I cared; when I bought the binder I told myself I just wanted to achieve a flat look, plenty of butches* bind, it didn't mean anything. But it did.

When I think of myself as a guy, everything makes so much sense. It clicks. Certain things still make me wonder, and I reserve the right to change my mind, but I'm definitely questioning my gender rn.

It's not just the binder; it's how I subconsciously tried to pass as a guy, even when I thought I was just dressing dykey; it's how excited and happy I get when the guy at Burger King call's me "sir"; it's a million little things that make me think, HOLY SHIT I AM MIGHT BE A DUDE.

It's not like I'm sure, though. I might eventually realize I am 100% lady and this was just a momentary confusion.

I'm just... I'm really scared, flist. Trans* people have it bad. I don't think I could ever pass without hormones and surgery. The thought of having to tell my parents to call me another name/pronoun makes me want to hide forever. I don't even think I could tell people I know. And what if I realize later on that I was wrong?

Well fuck.

--
*I didn't/don't really identify as butch, but it's close enough.
cornhobble: (Default)
So yesterday my aunt turned to me and said, "You know, [name redacted], I've been thinking a lot about you lately." I said, quite eloquently, "Oh."

DOESN'T THAT SOUND ALARMING TO YOU, FLIST? I found it quite alarming. She is the gossipiest aunt ever, and I have the sneaking suspicion that when she says "thinking about you" she actually means "talking about you with my sister/mother/other relative." Of course all my other relatives are in Canada, and they already think I'm the weird girl who wears cartoon hats*, so I'm not really that bothered.

Speaking of dubious fashion choices! I made a leather bracelet thing today, it's awesome. And I know leather cuffs are at, like, entire toolbox levels of toolishness, BUT I JUST REALLY LOVE THEM. don't judge me ;___;



YOU ARE IMPRESSED, Y/Y/MFY? Once you look closely you realize the ~craftswomanship is at kindergarten level, because the leather strips are all fucked up because they were cut with scissors and I never learned how to cut straight. Alas.

*I didn't actually upload this pic, jsyk. But I totally own that hat.
cornhobble: (.Dumbledore - Fabulous!)
So I've just finished rereading the last three books of the Harry Potter series, something I've been meaning to do for a while. This is the first time I've gotten to read them all knowing how everything turns out.

I have so much more appreciation for Dumbledore (and Snape) now. Dumbledore is just SUCH A GREAT CHARACTER, manipulative and secretive but at the same time good and always willing to give people a second chance. He's also in the habit of wearing ~flamboyantly-cut purple suits~, which says great things about his sense of style, imo. :DDD

And Snape is like the most emo and misunderstood dude in the entire series. I can't help but appreciate that kind of drama, okay. See this line, after Snape killed Dumbledore and Harry called him a coward:

"'DON'T --" screamed Snape, and his face was suddenly demented, inhuman, as though he was in as much pain as the yelping, howling dog stuck in the burning house behind him -- "CALL ME COWARD!"


;___; YOU GUYS. I've never been really crazy about Snape, but THIS LINE IS SO TRAGIC. I would hug you, Snape, but you'd probably hex me and then I'd get grease on my shirt or something.

The Ginny/Harry and Tonks/Lupin is just as annoying on the reread. Tonks is my FAVORITE, with her pink hair and clumsiness and humor, and I am still displeased about what J.K. Rowling did to her character to get her with Lupin. >:[ Angst is okay, but HER ENTIRE STORYLINE basically evolves around her pining for a guy. Gross.

I feel like Tonks/Ginny would have been the better pairing, y/y/mfy? They would have been sharp and funny and had amazing hair together. ♥__♥

this icon is incredibly inappropriate, considering the content of this post, but it is my ONLY HARRY POTTER ICON so it will have to do.
cornhobble: (.Kris - SQUEE!)
hello flist! I feel like I haven't seen you in ages. :')

Things have been looking up lately. I've started seeing a therapist (first time ever!), and she's really been helping me out with a lot of things. I'm by no means ~problem free~, but I'm on the road to feeling better and getting my life together and stuff and stuff. \o/ I'M OPTIMISTIC. :D

So I'm going to go ?skip=100 now and see if I can get a better idea about what you guys have been up to lately. :D:

This is super late, but a million thank yous to [personal profile] mesmorizee for the chocolate userhead! When I got it I was all :DDDDDDDDDDDDDD irl. ♥

hiatus

Apr. 24th, 2011 11:00 am
cornhobble: (.Adam - pout)
HIATUS
BEGINS 4/24/11 - ENDS THE DAY I GET MY SHIT TOGETHER

^what it says there, basically. So much shit is going on rn, you guys. I need to step awaaaaay from the computer and deal with rl. flist, anon coms, fandom, the works. I've already blocked lj on my home computer, let's see how this goes.

I SHALL MISS YOU, FLIST. ;_; IF I HAD A CRYING ICON I WOULD USE IT. Pouting Adam Lambert will have to serve instead.
cornhobble: (.Dean - Journal)
GUYS. GUYS. I am seriously freaking out right now. D:

So I've got a 15 year old sister. I'll call her A. A has a guy friend (I'll call him Tiny Tim. Inside joke.) who likes her, and he's not subtle about it. We used to think this was funny, and we'd all tease A about it, joking how they were in ~loooooooove.

BUT THEN. I was with A and her friends the other day (as the appointed chauffeur, yay) and I saw A and Tiny Tim hugging. Like full-body, grab-you-from-behind hugs.

WAT. WAT IS THIS SHIT. I don't like Tiny Tim. He's a super religious, homophobic, sexist little shit who would sleep with a girl and then call her a slut (not that he's ever slept with anyone, lol). A likes him, tho, because when he's not talking about anything of importance he seems like a sweet guy. (I guess. >:[ )

Now I'm thinking - what if she has sex with him? I'm not crazy about this idea (SHE'S JUST A BABY OMG /biased), but what bothers me more is -- she's never had a sex education. She doesn't have access to condoms, as as far as I know she wouldn't even know what to do with one if she did.

I talked with my mom about this, and she says she's been watching then closely. This isn't as implausible as it sounds, because my sister's homeschooled. But still, SHIT HAPPENS. If teenagers want to have sex they probably will.

In my mom's mind, sex education + access to contraceptives = encouraging teenage shenanigans. In my mind, HOLY SHIT WHAT IF SHE GETS PREGNANT. But I feel like giving my sister The Talk might be stepping out of bounds, a bit.

idk. What should I do, you guys? Should I let my mom do her thing? Or should I send my little sister links to sex education websites and try to talk to her? (I doubt she'd appreciate that.)
cornhobble: (.Dumbledore - Fabulous!)
Apparently, Eleanor Roosevelt was totally gay.

Here's a quote from a letter she wrote to longtime ~friend~, journalist Lorena Hickok. March 7, 1933:

Hick darling,
All day I've thought of you & another birthday I will be with you, & yet tonite you sounded so far away & formal. Oh! I want to put my arms around you. I ache to hold you close. Your ring is a great comfort to me. I look at it and think she does love me, or I wouldn't be wearing it.


OMG. She also, according to wikipedia, wore a blue sapphire ring during her husband's inauguration. Another quote:

I wish I could lie down beside you tonight & take you in my arms.


I already knew Eleanor Roosevelt was awesome, but I didn't realize she was THIS awesome. :D Day. Made.
cornhobble: (.Doakes - SURPRISE MOTHERFUCKER!)
MOM: Men wear wallets and women wear purses. You have a wallet, and that's manly.

ME: lol no. I like my manly wallet, tyvm~

MOM: There are only two genders: man and woman. EVERYONE ELSE IS A MUTATION

ME: That's not true! INCORRECT GENDER BINARY

DAD: Yes it is! BIOLOGY blah blah EVOLUTION blah blah

[annoying conversation here]

ME: So you don't think boys are socialized to be more violent?

DAD: Well... MAYBE IN ARABIC COUNTRIES

ME: D:

....I KEEP FORGETTING RL IS NOT FANDOM, GUYS. Apparently, most people believe there are two genders with a clear line that separates them. And maybe that's true for some people, but the whole THERE ARE MEN (ON MARS!) AND WOMEN (ON VENUS!) is such a bizarre concept to me.

Also, the surprise!racism at the end was... pleasant. My dad as this habit, tho. If he sees an opportunity to talk about the crazy japanese/violent muslims/[insert offensive statement about poc here], HE WILL TAKE IT.

dr google

Apr. 2nd, 2011 12:18 am
cornhobble: (.Puck - Loser)
Have you ever had an injury/felt sick and then googled your symptoms to see if you could figure out the cause? I have. PROTIP: DON'T DO IT.

I've got this big-ass bruise on my knee that's all swollen and tender (it's like a ring of purple circling my knee, it's ~totally badass~), and after googling I'm half-convinced that it's actually a fracture and I'M GOING TO DIE OMG.

Maaaaybe it's time to turn my computer off. brb, icepack

WTAF

Mar. 28th, 2011 11:40 am
cornhobble: (.Doakes - SURPRISE MOTHERFUCKER!)
I GOT A D ON A CLASS I WAS ACING

BECAUSE THE MOTHERFUCKING TA LOST MY MOTHERFUCKING MIDTERM

FFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

...

;_;

RL~

Mar. 19th, 2011 05:39 pm
cornhobble: (.Doakes - SURPRISE MOTHERFUCKER!)
Anyone on my flist know how to skateboard? :D I've decided to learn, I bought a longboard on Thursday and everything.

PICTURE UNDER, YEAAAAAH )

IT'S IT BEAUTIFUL? ♥_♥ Yeah, that's totally my foot, I decided to make it more ~personalized. Of course I was too lazy to get a picture of the bottom, so here's one on amazon. It's an Arbor Hybrid Koa.

I still kinda suck, but I can totally balance on the board and go very, very slowly. My method of stopping rn is like OH SHIT I'M GOING TO FALL ABANDON SHIP, and then I leap off the board with flailing arms and fall on my face. I'm really cool, you guys. You're totally jealous.

:|

Feb. 11th, 2011 05:23 pm
cornhobble: (.Puck - Loser)
You know what sucks? EVERYTHING.

Okay, that might be an exaggeration, but I'm feeling super mopey today. Issue on my mind: With my little sister, it feels like I'm always defending her but I can never depend on her to do the same for me. It's depressing, that's what it is.

Even more, sometimes she'll agree with me on the issue on hand but STILL sides with the ~opposition. Ultimate betrayal. :[

lala )

tldr; my sister told me to shut up and said I was being too ~angry and irrational and did that thing people do when they look at you like you're a stupid fuck unworthy of their attention. And I KNOW she agrees with me on this specific issue, but apparently backing me up would conflict with her constant need to belittle and undercut everything I say.

Whatever.
cornhobble: (Xena will fuck your shit up)
Yesterday I went to a Habitat for Humanity build! I dug trenches and put in electrical pipe. I got to use a jackhammer. It was awesome. :D

I am now sore everywhere. EVERYWHERE. The palms of my hands hurt, my shoulders hurt, my back hurts, my wrists hurts. It's a nice kind of sore tho -- the soreness of a job well done~ I'm just going to sit in bed all day, lol.

But something happened during the build that bothered me. It was like a tiny comment, really, but you know.

Me and the woman I was working with were supposed to show three boys (about our age) how to put in the pipe. The overseer goes to the guys and says, "Well, you're going to have to learn to listen to women sometime!"

Three dudes: LOLOLOLOLOLOL OMG HAHAHAHAHA

(I swear, they laughed for entire minutes. It wasn't that funny, assholes.)

Me and her: ...?

UGH, why do people think these jokes are funny? Women still get paid 75 cents to each man's dollar. Fucking John Boehner is trying to redefine rape as "coercive" rape, as if rape isn't inherently fucking coercive. Women have always been shit upon by society and the world in general, but oh ho! It's so funny to joke about ~listening~ to women because we're inferior and women can't be ~leaders~.

Later the dudes asked us to help them finish their pipe. Both of us were like 'HAH fuck you. No." Satisfying. :3
cornhobble: (Kate Kane as Batwoman unf unf~)
Anyone on my flist watch the show Pretty Little Liars? I was bored last night and decided to watch the first ep online, and I rather liked it. I know, I know, I enjoy a mediorce drama on ABC Family. Look at you life, look at your choices, etc~

So far, my favorite characters are Emily and Aria. :D I'm kind of mesmerized by Aria's eyebrows, ngl. Don't hate, I have a thing for eyebrows with ~character~

xena 1x21

Jan. 8th, 2011 09:50 pm
cornhobble: (Xena will fuck your shit up)
I was going to do a real episode review, you guys! But then I realized that would take work and I'm not really cool with that, so nevermind. Let's just go over the highlights. Read more... )

\o/

Jan. 1st, 2011 09:05 pm
cornhobble: (.Kris - SQUEE!)
Late, but -- HAPPY NEW YEAR, EVERYONE! \o/

2011 sounds even more futuristic than 2010, y/y? It's totally weird.

I always talk about how useless new year's resolutions are, but I'm going to make a tentative one anyway, hah.

I'd like to try and put myself out there a bit more -- talk to people I don't know, be more assertive, etc. I'm never going to be a social butterfly, but that doesn't mean I have to be a total recluse. :D
cornhobble: (Default)
Apparently they are shutting down delicious.com

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

D:

ETA: LOL NVM IT'S NOT SHUTTING DOWN AFTER ALL. \:D/
cornhobble: (.Dumbledore - Fabulous!)
OH FLIST, YOU ARE AWESOME AND SURELY WILL BE ABLE TO HELP ME WITH MY CHRISTMAS SHOPPING, Y/Y?

Do any of you know of good mp3 players with radio? I'm thinking of getting one for my mom on Christmas. :D She uses this old discman from the stone age but it only does radio and cassette tapes, no mp3s. (Seriously. STONE AGE.)

I was thinking about getting a Zune because it has radio and I've heard good things about the newer version. Also the Zune screen is pretty big and my mom is farsighted but refuses to get glasses. (♥) I don't want to get an ipod Nano because it's too small and I think she wouldn't know how to use it, haha. She has trouble turning on her computer, okay. I'm planning to pre-load music onto it because god knows she wouldn't be able to do it herself. (lol mom ilu)

So, question is: do you know of any good mp3 players with radio that are easy to use? Preferably under 150$, but I can probably go over if I convince my sisters to pitch in, lol.

EDIT: Shit, I just realized that most of the radio she listens to is AM, not FM. Do they even make mp3 players with AM? Maybe I should get her a portable radio instead...

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cornhobble

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